Then and Now

Meet our transport on Oahu, a 2010 Ford Explorer. Much more comfortable for touring than the bus we bumped around the island on in 2007. It's the Marriott's chariot of choice. Ours has leather seats, cruise control (disabled), satellite radio (disabled), 6 CD player with speakers everywhere yet a surprisingly muted sound output. Oh, and a mock wood dash that squeaks around the steering wheel whenever we hit a bump. But the ride is comfortable and it does give a panoramic view of the outside world. Much better than the bathtub position of sedans like our Focus in Ireland.
And there is no annoying commentary to spoil things OR boring long visits to pineapple farms so the driver gets his payola while boring his customers with trashy stores (see my 2007 entry below for details). We saw more in two hours than his 7 hour nightmare.
I had a swim at Sunset Beach on the north shore yesterday and a wander through the Weimea Valley before the rain arrived. We also stocked the pantry for our stay, watched the ceremonial lighting of the torches, walked along the shore at sunset and popped a bottle of Verve. We could have been honeymooners!


This is my entry from 2007 after an island tour. It taught me to avoid American city tours if possible.

Bone Breaking Tours* Present ...

Finally back after a loooong day jolting about in the back of this bus. It looked okay, even new and the air-conditioner worked but the suspension! I thought Americans liked slushy soft rides - this was like an unexciting F1 car or a billy cart - for 120 miles. Below is our itinerary with some supplementary information from yours truly.

8.30 Wait uncomfortably perched on wall outside takeaway joint for your coach. Due 8.50 at the very latest.

9.05 Board coach. Looks promising - airconditioning works and not many people. Jovial American Hawaiian driver/guide. Take seats near rear but away from wheels.

9.30 Enjoy the sights of Waikiki’s hotel strip while you pick up remaining guests and then make unscheduled “restroom” break near beach. Men twiddle thumbs.

10.30 FINALLY leave Waikiki/ Diamond Head area behind after looooong and boring discussion of real estate and sticky-beaking. Guide’s patter has lost much of its intial charm.

10.30 Sorry, that was called Kahala - Beverly Hills in Hawaii. May mean something to Erica.

11.00 Hanauma Bay - brilliant surf and snorkeling. Closed Tuesdays for cleaning. Ours was a Tuesday tour. Guide’s commentary is as incessant as it is irritating. Little info and lots of personal anecdotes.

11.20 Halona “blow Hole” Lookout. It wasn’t blowing. Kiama beats it anyway. The twisty coastal road would have been beautifully scenic in our own car but our driver had seen it all before so we shot around every curve. Combined with the race-tuned suspension, photography was impossible. Amplified commentary only added to the misery.

11.21 “From Here to Eternity Beach”. I took a photo for those who liked that overwrought 50’s drama.

11.35 Sandy Beach. Did we stop here?

11.50 Makapu‛u Lookout. This was spectacular. Kualoa range has been used in many film backdrops. See pics. Tess ready to kill driver.

12.00 Waaimanalo Hawaiian Homestead. I know you’ve been in a bus all morning but it’s time for an early lunch. The Church runs this joint which includes Hawaii’s toughest golf course. Food average. Meal purchase not included.

1.00 pm Nu‛uanu Pali Lookout & Valley. Ummmm.

1.20 Rain Forests. Whizzing by the bus so forget about photos. Endure 4th hour of guide’s “commentary”.

1.40 Byodo-In Temple. Admission Included. ($3.00 value).

1.55 Ko‛oalau Mountains. Impressive at any speed.

2.00 Moli‛i Gardens, Macademia Nut & Fish Pond at Kualoa Ranch. Another place only coach groups stop at. Guide knows the family who run it. Another long personal anecdote before we can continue tour. He enjoys it anyway. Drowsy after lunch and constant chat in ear. Some choose to stay on coach.

2.45 North Shore Surfing Beaches. Including Sunset and Waimea beaches. Tour highlight. Unfortunately, due to liability issues, we cannot stop for photos. Whizzing by too fast for photos around corners is at driver’s discretion.

3.35 Pineapple and Agriculture Fields (drive through only). Thank God!

3.55 Dole Plantation. This is another bloody pineapple farm. They must sponsor/own the company. Driver’s humour has worn thin on even the most jovial customers.

4.30 Sullen busload return bumpily towards Honolulu with snatches of information - I think you can see the Arizona - oh, maybe not. Even our Guide has got the hint and shut up. Every one piles off at first opportunity back in town.

$62.50 pp not including tax or gratuity. We were too embarrassed not to give the driver something. He may try too hard but it’s a tough living.

5.15 Return to safety of beach bar area. Order one drink and stay for dinner.

Disappointing. Save the cash and catch public transport or hire a car. It couldn’t be worse. Off to a timeshare promotion at the Marriott at 7.05 tomorrow. Stay tuned for more positive report.

I just enjoy the waves crashing against the shore after sunset on the beach, live music (they played two requests) and dancing and simple dining. Bugger the touring.

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